I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
