well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
