I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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