I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
