i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
