Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
look no pants
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
