Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
