I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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