How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
