Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Randomize