There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
