If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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