I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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