I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
