this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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