She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
