My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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