I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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