Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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