i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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