she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize