I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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