i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
