It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
