Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
