Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
