Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize