I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
