mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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