He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
