There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
soo... how was my night?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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