his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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