Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
