i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
