Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
