3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
