rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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