I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
