Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
