is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
