brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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