i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
