Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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