Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
