My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I party with great urgency now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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