you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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