my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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