let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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