You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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