just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
