What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize