That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
her facebook's as public as her vagina
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
