In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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