My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize