So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
