How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
