Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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