The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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