You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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