Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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