I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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