Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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