It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
