All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
