your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
