I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
send nudes
from the living room?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
