Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Enjoy the penises
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
